So Amma gives me a call tonight and asks if I am able to talk 'privately'. She wanted to 'discuss' something with me. Of course by now I am all alert and wondering what is coming up next.

Soon Amma gives me the low down. She had gone for this extended family gathering over the weekend, and there she met up with some of her friends from some time ago. Chit-chat-chit-chat, they talk about their children. She finds out that one of the adults there is a Christian and this gentleman has a daughter named Jancy (alarm bells start ringing like mad!!!)

To cut the long story short, amma suggested that I meet Jancy and then..."who knows?" if something happens then ok, if not then you have a new friend....

My mom has started to look out for girls for me...she is even taking into consideration what I want....how cool is that!!

Mums will be mums!



PS : mum says she is "sweet looking". I wonder what that means?

Relationship / Salsa Similarities

Learning how to salsa has been one of the most enriching experiences in my life. I have learnt so many new things that can be applied to so very many area of my life. Not to mention the new friends and also the increase in self confidence that has come out of it all!

I have realised that dancing salsa and being in a relationship have a lot in common.

Salsa begins with two individuals who both are able to dance and be on their own. The man then approaches the lady and asks if she would like to dance. The lady now has the choice of accepting or rejecting. Protocol usually dictates that lady says yes the first time that she is asked by a gentleman, but she ALWAYS has the option of saying No. IF she says yes, then there is a dance about to happen.

During the dance, it is the man's job to lead and for the lady to follow, but it is not so rigid. The man actually proposes a certain move or step and the lady has the choice of whether or not she agrees and so chooses to follow his lead. The couple looks the best if he leads well, giving her ample time to prepare herself, and if she follows well. This would mean that the couple would be moving in sync with each other and they would look fantastic.
I have also been taught the principle that it is the man's responsibility to make her look good. More so, the two people dancing learn to accommodate one another and to cover up for each other's mistakes. This means that though there may be disagreements confusion or miscommunication, only the couple are aware of it. No one outside, looking at the couple would be aware of it.

It is so cool that this kinda mirrors my philosophy of a relationship. I love it!!!!

It's All About Timing

I have recently had the chance to revisit this idea. It’s all about timing. I mean, have you ever tried to cook a plate of stir fried kai lan but you turn on the flame after putting in the ingredients and the oil? It’s all about timing.

I remember my first relationship about 11 years ago. We had been going out for about a month and a half when her ex-boyfriend STOPPED calling her and asking her to get back together with him. This was the time she decided that she actually wanted to be with him. I, of course, got the short end of the stick. It’s all about timing.
I remember another incident in my life, another relationship. We had been together for about a month, when I was very clear that God was saying to me that this was not the right time for a relationship. (Note that He never said anything about her being the right or wrong person). 3 years later, I finally decided that it was time to give it another shot. That was the day that I found that she was in a 2 week old relationship. It’s all about timing.

It’s all about timing. The tough question to answer is who is the time keeper?

God, I have been waiting on You for a while now and I declare to You again that You are the Time Keeper. In Your time, You will bring the excellent choice You have made be known to me. I thank You for the great and wonderful gift of a wife in advance and look forward to see what You have in store for me.

The List

A very many many years ago, my good friend John, sat me down and got me to prepare of list of characteristics that I wanted in a wife. I then prepared a list and the top 2 items on my list are

1. Must be a Christian that is active in ministry
2. Must understand and appreciate my sense of humour

My decision to stick by this list has resulted in having a much smaller pool of 'potentials' than many of my friends. I see them hooking up rather quickly and (from my perspective, at least) rather easilty.

I have been repeatedly chided by friends that I am too rigid and I am too picky. Am I?
I have been struggling with similar questions and the post on James blog is one that I agree with.
Why do so many people out there assume that singleness is a problem? Why is it not possible to be single and yet live a fulfilling life.

I think that it is possible, provided that we have the right perspective and also if we have Jesus to fill the need for relationship in us. Jona's blog entry has highlighted to me that there are ladies out there too who practice the preparation of a list and of evaluating the potential spouse objectively by this list, not by our emotions of the moment..

I've been single now for about 5 years now. I intend to stick to my list and if that means that it is not yet my season to move into a relationship...Amen to that.

Questions

Do I?
Do you?
Do we want to be?

Should we?
Could we?
Daddy, please tell me.

=====

I had just at that time begun to make an effort to pursue a young lady. I sat down and did some thinking. I realised that these were some questions and also probably the order in which they needed to be answered.

At the time of the entry, I was still undecided about whether or not I wanted to get into a relationship. So I chose to spend some time with her, to get to know her more. I especially wanted to see her in different contexts. The amazing this was that I really liked what and who I saw. Thus, the first question was answered. Yes.

We went out for a couple of breakfasts where the conversations were fantastic. We had some long phone chats which were glorious. All these ( with consultation from Mr. AA to ensure that I wasn't imagining things) led me to conclude that the answer to the second question was ...Yes.

Boy was I wrong. We didn't communicate at all from new year on. I was getting a bit concerned. I called. During this conversation, I heard these scary words. "JoGi, I don't see us as more than platonic friends..." I am glad I was seated. I now knew that the answer to the second question was ... No.

The rest of the questions are redundant.

Since then , this young lady and I have chatted and talked things over. My little fantasy bubble had been lovingly burst and I still have someone I can call friend (there is some disappointment in the voice here!). Things are a little awkward but healing comes in the morning.

Life goes on.

Is She Worth It?

An interesting write-up that I agree with
============

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking "Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said "Yes." She began to expound...

"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and state, "I am not referring to money. "I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life. "

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She said
"I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.
I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked.. believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden.
I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself. "When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Where Are We Going?

What would be the greatest disservice that man can do for his prospective mate?

Some may say being unfaithful or yet, being untruthful. I think the greatest disservice that a man can do for his mate (for that matter, himself) is to not know himself.

Who does God say I am? Who do I say I am? What is God's vision for me? What are my ambitions? Without having first sought the answers for these fundamental questions how can I be all that I am to be ?

The man's role in the relationship is to captain the ship. To steer the ship and to set its course, the captain must first know where the ship is supposed to go. How do you plot a course to nowhere? An important consideration would be, "Who owns the ship?" Where the ship is to go is determined by the owner of the ship. If I own the ship, where do I want it to go? If I don't own the ship, where does the owner want this ship to go? As the captain, I should want to go where the ship's owner wants it to go. If I keep steering the ship in a different direction than that set by the owner, I won't be the captain of this ship for too long. In both the above situations, as captain, I still need to know where the ship is going. So who owns this ship?

As a Christian, God owns my ship. He bought it with His own blood. So, where does He want it to go? Am I now taking it there? There will come a time that the captain may take on crew, starting with the captain's mate. Hopefully, the mate already knows where she wants to go and then all she needs to do is to find out where the ship is going. If it is going her way, then she can sign on. But how will she know if the captain doesn't know himself? How does he tell her what he doesn't yet know?

Is it Normal?

This morning, I had breakfast with Breana. I had my much awaited Hotcakes meal for breakfast.

During the meal, the question, "Why is it the norm for newlyweds to move out of their parents houses and go live in their own houses?" came up. It is an interesting question and one worth some thought.

I had always based my view on Gen 2:24 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh".

I felt that this verse also suggested the need for a physical leaving of the parents.

The verse definitely implies a change of allegience from parent to spouse. It also points to new leadership and responsibility for the new family.

For the man, there is a need for him to stand up and take up the role of leading his family. there needs to be a breaking away from the old leadership of his own father and so become the leader of his own faimily unit. He needs to establish his own set of rules and regulations, which may be radically diferent from that of his own parents. He will need to step up to the responsibility.

For the woman, there is a change of accountability from that to her parents to her husband. She is, to a very large extent, no longer part of her old family but is wholly part of her new family. This is the reason that the bride is "given" to the groom.

Yet there is a need for obedience to the 5th commandment of honouring our parents. Therefore, if there may be circumstances that favour staying with one of the parents rather than moving out on their own, what to do?

Living in the same house with someone will take getting used to. Husband needs to adjust to wife, wife needs to adjust to husband. Add to the mix of having to adjust to the in-laws can make the whole experience that much more challenging. This is where both the spouse and the in-laws will need to come to an understanding and boundaries need to be drawn.

There is always the danger of the child-of-the-house being caught in the middle between the spouse and in-laws. This would be a very very stressful place to be.

If the tension between the parties involved get too high, in the interest of preserving the relationship, there may be a need for the younger famnily unit to strike out on its own. Constant friction can lead to "carpet burns".

I personally feel, that having the grandparents and the grnadchildren, 3 or 4 generations, all living together under the same roof is the ideal case. That is what I would like to see in my future family.