Is it Normal?

This morning, I had breakfast with Breana. I had my much awaited Hotcakes meal for breakfast.

During the meal, the question, "Why is it the norm for newlyweds to move out of their parents houses and go live in their own houses?" came up. It is an interesting question and one worth some thought.

I had always based my view on Gen 2:24 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh".

I felt that this verse also suggested the need for a physical leaving of the parents.

The verse definitely implies a change of allegience from parent to spouse. It also points to new leadership and responsibility for the new family.

For the man, there is a need for him to stand up and take up the role of leading his family. there needs to be a breaking away from the old leadership of his own father and so become the leader of his own faimily unit. He needs to establish his own set of rules and regulations, which may be radically diferent from that of his own parents. He will need to step up to the responsibility.

For the woman, there is a change of accountability from that to her parents to her husband. She is, to a very large extent, no longer part of her old family but is wholly part of her new family. This is the reason that the bride is "given" to the groom.

Yet there is a need for obedience to the 5th commandment of honouring our parents. Therefore, if there may be circumstances that favour staying with one of the parents rather than moving out on their own, what to do?

Living in the same house with someone will take getting used to. Husband needs to adjust to wife, wife needs to adjust to husband. Add to the mix of having to adjust to the in-laws can make the whole experience that much more challenging. This is where both the spouse and the in-laws will need to come to an understanding and boundaries need to be drawn.

There is always the danger of the child-of-the-house being caught in the middle between the spouse and in-laws. This would be a very very stressful place to be.

If the tension between the parties involved get too high, in the interest of preserving the relationship, there may be a need for the younger famnily unit to strike out on its own. Constant friction can lead to "carpet burns".

I personally feel, that having the grandparents and the grnadchildren, 3 or 4 generations, all living together under the same roof is the ideal case. That is what I would like to see in my future family.